Why turkey is a truly fowl choice for Christmas dinner

Flat Christmas Dinner 2017. I post a poll up on our group chat asking what meat people wanted to eat, and conflict ensued. The flat was torn over chicken versus turkey. “Turkey is tradition! It’s not Christmas without a turkey!” were the arguments of the turkey lovers, while the rest of us retorted that tradition or not, it just isn’t nice. Eventually chicken won. But does anyone out there really like the taste of turkey? Surely most of the population is in agreement that turkey is just a worse, more boring, and harder to cook version of chicken. And in light of the numerous alternative options available for Christmas, how can ‘tradition’ possibly be enough to make people still favour turkey?

Chicken, beef, pork, fish and duck all pose viable and more flavoursome options for your Christmas dinner. Turkey is simply boring. In order to make it tasty, people have resorted to stuffing it with other forms of meat like duck, pheasant, or quail, which really does say a lot.

Otherwise, for the more modest Christmas dinner, it is packed full of stuffing, basted, glazed, wrapped in bacon and drowned in gravy to distract from the dryness and toughness of the bird. The ‘trimmings’ and sides on Christmas Day really are the star of the show and the turkey pales in comparison. Think about it, the only things you ever really have left over after Christmas lunch are the Brussels sprouts and turkey, and maybe a few other bits of veg. How often do you have masses of leftover pigs in blankets, Yorkshire puddings, or roast potatoes that everyone is “too full” to eat? And then we are left with the cumbersome task of somehow using up the turkey in every meal until New Year’s Eve. Turkey sandwiches, soup,  stew. There are endless variations, but all become equally boring and uninspiring by Boxing Day.

So, this Christmas, I urge you to try out a different meat other than turkey

Not to mention, turkey is time consuming, taking at least two hours to cook. And for what? It’s hardly worth the effort when you could just spend that time cooking a meat that everyone will want to eat. It’s no wonder that the only time of year that turkey is cooked is Christmas.

They are massive birds, usually overweight and if they aren’t dead before one Christmas, it is unlikely they’ll make it to the next one before dying of heart disease. In fact, turkeys cannot even reproduce and require artificial insemination to prevent them from dying out. This is mainly due to the fact that they have so long been bred to have higher body masses, meaning they are so fat that it is physically impossible for them to have sexual intercourse. They are a pretty pathetic species for us to be gorging on. In fact, I actually feel a little sorry for them.

So, this Christmas, I urge you to try out a different meat. Challenge convention. Fight tradition. Think outside of the box and I guarantee you’ll leave the table after Christmas Dinner feeling less exhausted at having to pretend like you love every bite of what is supposed to be the best meal of the year. That’s not what Christmas is about, so do it for the sake of festive cheer!