The characters of the Library

Ryan Houston takes us on a tour of Warwick’s Library, giving Boar Books the low-down on the characters that you’ll most likely find yourself sat next to.

Murmurs on the Library Floor 

They are the gossip royalty of campus. By the time you’ve unpacked, you’ve heard about their POP! shenanigans, their mum’s cousin’s son’s dog’s birthday yesterday and what they plan to do when they leave the library at the end of their “long day working” … But it’s fine because they’re talking quietly, right? Amongst the most annoying of library characters, the only people who come close to these blabbermouths are those who believe that as soon as you step into the section with the lifts that no-one can hear you and that the glass is soundproof. Disclaimer: it is not and everyone on Floor 3 just heard you got with that guy from your flat and really regret it and never want to drink purple again as it “causes all your problems and only makes you bloated”.

Confused Wanderers

Real library amateurs, these ones. More than likely students of the sciences who do not regularly take books out, they look from phone to shelf, to phone, to shelf again, look up, around, back to phone. “Ahh! There it is! PR! Oh wait…it only goes up to 3456, I need 7861” and back to phone in the hope it reveals the path to the promised land of secondary literature. They don’t know what a short loan is, will probably set off the alarms trying to leave without actually taking it out and let’s not even begin to think about their attempts to operate the mobile shelving…

The only people who come close to the blabbermouths are those who believe that as soon as you step into the section with the lifts that no-one can hear you and that the glass is soundproof

Fourth Floor Fidgets

These people are impossible to please. They appear at first as simple library-goers like yourself. They get up to fill their water bottle up. Fine. They pull down the blind. Understandable. They leave to fetch a book. They come back. They open the window. Open book. It’s the wrong one. They leave to find the right one. Return. Ready? Nope. Nature calls and they’re off to the toilet. Relieved, they return ready and raring. Wait, it’s 12? They’ve been here for an hour and need lunch…off they go to Rootes Grocery Store hogging a space that could easily be used by someone else. Did they plan to do work? Probably not. Back they come with their haul, and if you’re really unlucky they could turn into our next library friend…

Grub Guzzle Gannets

Rootes’ meal deal is all fun and games until someone brings out that packet of Walkers. Before you know it, you’re positioned next to a champion cheese and onion chomper. The constant rattle of the packet and the sound as each tooth cracks that perfectly crunchy crisp combine to create just the right amount of irritation. There’s something about the library that makes you appreciate quietness like you never have before, and when this is disrupted by something, even the slight clatter of your neighbour’s Bread Oven wrapper, it will arouse feelings of resentment and exasperation you never thought were possible.

There’s something about the library that makes you appreciate quietness like you never have before

Overly-Strict Supervisors

After talking about some of the more irksome library fellows, I now realise I do appreciate a good supervisor. They are the lord and saviour of our favourite study space. Prowling the aisles, they scan each and every one of us making sure we are adhering to the strict rules, regulations, policies and laws of Warwick University Library. We owe so much to them. However, you will often find a supervisor who is a little bit too insistent for my liking. I appreciate that to make the job a bit more exciting you would jump at the first opportunity to tell someone to hush. Even so, a few times I have looked up to find a supervisor staring into my soul looking ready to give me a good ol’ wallop for something as small as moving my chair an inch.

Smug Slackers

These are the people who are in the library so they can go home and say, “I’ve been in the library all day, what have you done?” with that self-satisfied expression across their face. Yes, it is a fact they have indeed been in the library. But, those hours were filled with what I can only guess were a few hours of catching up with The Walking Dead, watching a range of YouTube videos, scrolling through an assortment of social media (okay, we’re all guilty of this) and after that extensive, productive day, rounding it off with an hour trying to attract as many animals as they can to their camp on Animal Crossing. All this is done through raspy earphones which project the sound so at least the next ten people in all directions can also enjoy the echoes of Glenn having his head caved in by a baseball bat or the helium infused voice of Rosie the Dog. Just what you need, isn’t it?