Warwick University campus to be converted into goose sanctuary

Vice-Chancellor Stuart Croft today announced the sale of the University’s main campus to the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds (RSPB), which plans to create the country’s first protected goose reservation on the site by 2019.

A spokesman for the University said that Warwick’s existing geese population made it a “natural choice” for the deal.

“We had received numerous complaints about the increasing number of geese attacks taking place on campus, and so we quickly realised the simple solution was to get rid of all the students.”

Several freshers will remain on campus following assertions by activists that they form an important part of the goose’s natural food chain.

The move follows the evacuation of students from the Lakeside and Heronbank residences over Easter, in order to deal with what a report by the Environment Agency classed as “a serious goose infestation.”

One resident was confused by the evacuation, stating that the conditions were: “still better than living in Westwood.”

The move is being hailed as a victory by goose advocates. Warwick Goose was not available for comment.

Plans for how the University will continue to operate once campus has been surrendered to the geese have not yet been finalised, although a temporary merger with Coventry University has not been ruled out.

Others have proposed that the sale poses the perfect opportunity to move the University so that it is actually in Warwick.