‘Ghosting’ (AKA getting ditched) makes you feel sh*t

Ever been ditched 21st century style? Helena Maybury shares her personal experience of being ‘Ghosted’…

Getting ditched is now apart of everyday life. Relationships (friend-based or otherwise) have always been challenging, no matter the time period. While the emotions and anxieties that come with it haven’t changed over time, the formalities certainly have. A new dimension of dating and relationships has emerged: a concept known as ‘ghosting’. This is where you suddenly cut contact with someone by simply not talking to them anymore. ‘Ghosting’ allows you to dump someone without even having to say anything.

We’ve all probably done it at some point or another, maybe without even realising it. We certainly did not stop to consider any serious ramifications our actions, or inactions in this case, may have had in terms of someone’s self-es- teem and confidence.

‘Ghosting’ allows you to dump someone without even having to say anything.

I went on a bar crawl in my first year with my best friend. We met up with one of her mates who was “just a friend”, and I got to talking with his seemingly down-to-earth wingman. After some drinks and casual back-and forth, we ended up kissing in the romantic setting of Kelsey’s. The following day I sent a casual message on Facebook wishing him a happy Easter holidays, and maybe I’d see him around next term. The dreaded “Read” sign appeared, but there was never a reply.

So, he’d apparently ghosted me,and honestly at that point I wasn’t exactly bothered. I had kind of forgotten that I’d even messaged him until my friend brought it up asking whether he ever replied. But just when I had put it all out of mind, he messaged me out of the blue a week or so into third term. He apologised for not replying,explaining how busy he was over Easter, and how he hoped I hadn’t taken offense. Admittedly, I was a little relieved that he hadn’t initially ghosted me. However, it only made it all the more confusing and disappointing when, after a week or so of chatting via text, he vanished one day mid-conversation.

The dreaded “Read” sign appeared, but there was never a reply.

He simply never replied to my message. I gave it a few days, chalked it up to the fact that it was exam season and maybe he was just really busy, right? Exams came and went, but I never heard from him again.

The real problem is that I knew exactly what he had done. It wasn’t just a matter of him drowning in work or anything; he simply didn’t want to talk to me, and appearing to vanish off the face of the Earth was the easiest way to get out of it. I’ll never know why he, or various others, were compelled to do this, but what really worries me is the thought that I’ve done the same. Is this how I’ve made people feel when I’ve slowly slipped out of their lives for selfish reasons? It’s called ghosting for a reason: it haunts you.

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