Totally useless things your mum will force upon you

Don’t say Beth Hurst didn’t warn you…

As their precious children flee the nest, parents seem to cope by bundling you with items they think will help you survive the ordeal of university life. Some of these things you’ll never have even heard of, or seen in real life before. Some can come in handy, whereas others will remain at the back of your wardrobe for the year. Here’s a handy guide to what might come in useful, and what you should keep the receipts for…

1. An Iron. In a perfect world you do your washing once a week and spend Sunday morning ironing. In reality you won’t get up before 5 on weekends and that Russell Hobbs Steam Glide Non Stick will stay in it’s box under your bed. Embrace the wrinkles, and know if you really need a pressed shirt for a ball or an interview, then it’s easier to just buy a new one. Believe me.
2. Cleaning products. Owning multiple bottles of bathroom cleaner, tile cleaner, Mr Muscle wipes, and mould and mildew remover just isn’t necessary to clean your meter squared accommodation sink. You’ll probably only attempt to shift the grime when family comes to visit. The bucket you store the products in, however, may happen to come in handy after a bad night out…
3. Kitchen gadgets. I’m all for some equipment that makes life a little easier, but I have yet to find a student recipe that would ever require a vegetable steamer, so try to “forget” it in the boot of your car. Other odd items such as ‘travel breakfast bowls’ (including separate milk container and belt hook!) should really just stay at home.
4. To the unfortunate fresher who braves Cannon Park Tesco on moving in day; beware! As the valiant students before you have wiped the shop of basic essentials, this can lead to panic buying what’s left. Don’t let yourself be coerced into items that will wait on your shelf all year only to be chucked in the bin when you move out. Be strong – just because there’s no salt and pepper left, do NOT be forced into the Chives.

Things that might actually come in useful…

1. Though a box full of home made biscuits may seem embarrassing, on the first day of uni nothing makes a better impression to your new flatmates than a peace offering of your mum’s brownies. In fact, any home cooking you are presented with is a bonus, and should be coveted. Frozen batches of lasagne are invaluable when you’ve forgotten to go to the shop/can’t be bothered to cook. If only you could freeze a full roast dinner…
2. The blanket, numerous pillows and slippers may have felt slightly overkill when they got shoved into the basket in Wilkos. However, items for warmth and comfort will be sorely needed when pulling an end of Term 1 all-nighter. That fluffy onesie you protested at first will be the envy of the flat when the heating inevitably breaks down.
3. If mums are good at one thing, it’s organisation. A shoe holder on the back of your door and those industrial sized Tupperware boxes underneath your bed solve all the problems a small room can bring. I bet before your parents left all your things were neatly tucked away in these handy storage solutions.
4. Being presented with a sacred doorstop is your parents’ non-verbal way of saying, “please make friends, play nice and don’t be a hermit.” Though this sentiment throws you back to your first day of school aged 4, the pain of separation is all too similar. As your parents abandon you to the wild world of uni and you suddenly have to make new friends (shudder), let’s be honest, you probably need all the help you can get.

Parents will always worry. Remind them that there’s a Tesco round the corner, that you’re all big and grown now. You’ll survive Fresher’s somehow, and, yes, even without a fish slice.