“I walk home…with keys between my knuckles”

[dropcap]A[/dropcap]bout half an hour into the I Heart Consent workshop, I finally accepted what I had tried to deny. When one of the facilitators read the legal definition of sexual assault, a few people gasped. “I did not know it was illegal,” one girl exclaimed. My mouth dropped open – it had happened to me only that week.
At a popular, local student nightclub I was dancing with my house- mates like any other night. I wasn’t thinking about anyone around me. I remember talking then dancing next to a group of boys, with one perhaps being a little too friendly, a little too close.
I remember another pulling me towards him, and us struggling to communicate over the deafening music. The rest I struggle to piece together. I remember the feeling of hands around my back, holding me, touching me but I couldn’t escape.

Consent is about far more than simply not looking like a rapist. Its about addressing the ideas surrounding rape culture, challenging stereotypes, spreading awareness, and knowing how to be as *inclusive as possible

.
The memory of hot sticky breath assaulting my neck still makes me shudder.
It stopped there, but it was enough for me to run out of the room to the safety of the female toilets. The morning after when I read the texts I’d sent to a friend; “Had to run away”, “I swear he just kissed my neck”, “feel so sexualised” and “they keep trying to grind on me”; I felt sick.
I signed up for I Heart Consent because as an exec member for multiple societies, I was encouraged to attend, but I was glad to learn more. When I read that George Lawlor was insulted by his invitation, I couldn’t help but be angry. Forgive me if I don’t accept your “This is not what a rapist looks like” sign.
Consent is about far more than simply not looking like a rapist. Its about addressing the ideas surrounding rape culture, challenging stereotypes, spreading awareness, and knowing how to be as *inclusive as possible. The fact that 90% of victims know their attacker (Rape Crisis UK) is more than just a statistic – it is a reality for count- less people.
The group of boys I felt so threatened by? I know them all by name. I’ve talked to them. They have me on Facebook. What might shock you even more? I like them as people.
I know them through my role in a society, have mutual friends with them, and enjoy talking to them at socials.
None of them look like the imagined shadowy rapist in an alley. Even more…they aren’t bad people. Maybe, if they’d have attended a workshop about consent they might have thought twice about their drunken behaviour in a club.
There simply isn’t enough awareness of issues surrounding rape culture, so people don’t take into consideration the effects of their actions, no matter how small, even towards someone you have met before and assume it’s ok.
University is a hub of young adults meeting each other, socialising, and forming relationships. There is no other place where consent culture is more relevant.

I thought I was pretty much clued up about it through my own experiences and reading. I was wrong.

The Warwick tradition of cicrcling, in its essence, is drinking with a group of people, some you don’t know, lead by social secretaries who do not know you personally, and have a specific job to do.
In this environment we need information about consent, to provide a safe campus environment for all members of the university, irrespective of gender, race, sexuality or religion.
I myself thought, “I probably don’t need to go to I Heart Consent.” I thought I was pretty much clued up about it through my own experiences and reading. I was wrong.
I need I Heart Consent because after I felt threatened, my first thoughts were “why did I wear a body con skirt tonight?” and “why did I buy a lolly pop that could have put out the wrong message?”
I need it because my position in a society should not mean, outside of events, I still am forced into the stereotypes and assumptions of my role. I need it because I walk home in the dark with keys between my knuckles. I need it because I struggled to admit I was harassed.
I need it because when someone wolf-whistled at me the day after, as I walked to the bus stop, I nearly broke down and cried.
So excuse me Mr Lawlor, just because you feel like you don’t “need” I Heart Consent, doesn’t mean that you are exempt from the responsibility to attend, to become aware, and help the people that do.