What not to do on Valentine’s Day

Danesh Sethna tells singletons everywhere how to avoid being humiliated on ‘that’ day of the year

Every year, Valentine’s Day is by far the most depressing day to be single. If love had an exam, it would be on February 14th and I would definitely fail. There is no crueller punishment than watching everyone else as happy as can be and showering each other with ridiculous, overpriced tokens of affection. In all honesty, paying £10 for a stupid rose has got to be worse than highway robbery. Still we go through it year after year in an endless parade of cheesy romance. However there’s a lot of pressure riding on making this day special and any small mistake is sure to set it spiralling down into disaster. So here’s where I share my experience of Valentine’s fumbles, faux-pas, and frustrations.

For starters, it’s a major downer when any one of your close relatives has a birthday on this day – you surely do not want to be stuck at McDonald’s watching a 3-year old rip apart a Happy Meal just because it’s his ‘special day’. Trust me when I say this: make plans at least a week before V-day or else risk being pulled into one of your family’s endless social affairs.

If somehow you manage to actually go out with friends (tell me the secret to your success), you should be wary of what kind of plans these are. Take me for example. You do not want to go out on a friendly group date where some people think it’s make-believe and others think it’s not. There is nothing more hilarious that watching your friends shoot looks at each other wondering whether the guys pay for the meal or not. For any future plans that may occur: GUYS ALWAYS PAY. Bit of additional advice –

do not have your mum drive you and your date when you go out, it’s quite possibly the surest route to social suicide.

So being single on Valentine’s is pretty rough, especially if you’re a socially awkward introvert like me. However, having a date is not the easiest thing to handle either. One thing every guy does wrong is either plan too much or too little: no one gets it right. For instance, treating your girl to a family pack of KFC chicken wings is probably not the most romantic way to spend Valentine’s (in fact, if she still dates you after that – marry her). Similarly, planning a bit too much can be quite hectic to manage and problematic if you’re lazy like me. First of all, make sure your budget can accommodate all of the elaborate plans you’re considering. Limo and restaurant bookings are not only  horrendously expensive, but also need to be booked at least three weeks in advance if you plan on getting a reservation at a suitable time.

If you’re planning on doing something unique or special, such as cooking your Valentine her favourite meal, make sure you know what you’re doing. Unless you’re absolutely sure that running outside in the freezing cold after setting of the fire alarm is your idea a romantic day, I’d suggest you stay away from the kitchen. Homemade gifts are like miniature time-bombs just waiting to go off. The stress of actually creating those intricate little things is worse than having three finals due the day before vacation. For those of you out there who know me and are reading this, everything I’ve given you claiming it was homemade was ordered off Amazon. I never specified whose home it was now, did I?

So that’s my take on the holiday that potentially breaks more hearts than it makes. Still it’s a great day to go out, have a bit of fun, and be a part of the joys that are human emotions. Just don’t do what I did, or you will regret it.