Dating: should the man always pay?

Maya Fowell and Andy King talk dating and the small issue of the bill.

Sex & the uni girl

Maya Fowell

Dating can be a truly enjoyable pastime for all those involved. The idea of spending quality time with a person you may or may not be interested in opens up the door to a world of possibilities.

Society has wrongfully enforced the idea that when it comes to dating, or more so courting, the female should be this passive object waiting to be invited out and asked if she has any relevant opinions. Society has also constructed the idea that the man should pay. I object to both of these things.

Honestly, when it comes to dating, especially at university, it’s safer to assume that you’ll be splitting the bill. Being pleasantly surprised if your date does reach for the bill first is far better than having to awkwardly phone a friend to ask for a piggy-bank raid.

If a guy does make it clear that he’s taking me out — it’s his night, he’s planned it, and I’m his special guest — then I would probably expect him to pay. In any other circumstance, it’s further into the student loan I go.

Sex & the uni boy

Andy King

Definite rules on dating lead, unfailingly, to disaster. Whether you’re told to never, erm, ‘consummate’ the relationship before the third date or that the man should always pay, if you try and follow advice to the letter, your dating life will be constrained by it.

As such, my advice as to whether or not the man should pay is to pay close attention to circumstance. Circumstance and ‘winging it’ are what make relationships work. Communication, honesty, trust and great sex also deserve a special mention.

Advice-wise, the only definite thing I can offer is this: it should not be emasculating thing to have the woman pay. If your girlfriend wants to treat you, let her! A healthy relationship is one of mutual respect and input.

The man should pay if he can afford it and if he wants to. He shouldn’t pay if he’s merely doing it out of social obligation. If you intend on seeing the person again, you can always pay the next time — or conversely, let them take a turn at it: as they say, go with the (cash) flow, baby.