The marital woes of equal love

As legislation to allow same-sex marriage rolls through the Parliaments of many European countries, it has become one of the hot topics of 2013. Many see it as a final resting place of the LGBT+ debate in Europe. However, I believe that rather than signalling an end to the debate, it simply signals the beginning of the conversation on equality.

In the last few days, there have been dramatic protests in France over their same sex marriage and adoption proposals with organisers claiming a headcount of one million. Dramatic scenes of clashes between anti-same sex activists and riot police emphasise the passion and heat with which this debate rages. Their side of the story was highlighted tragically with the suicide of Dominique Venner, who shot himself with a pistol at the altar of the Notre Dame cathedral. He was an academic-activist who left as his last legacy a gruesome protest against same-sex marriage and immigration. These two cannot be separated as they are both about identity.

Such identities are at the heart of modern politics and they have transformed the way we think about gender and race. Whilst they are by no means political relics, 2013 could see them joined by a third ‘big’ identity in politics, one that has been wrongfully side-lined as an uncomfortable human anomaly. With protest and passion on both sides of the debate, this signals that the conversation on sexual and gender identity has become a part of mainstream discourse.

Even in the West with our aspirations for tolerance and the sneaking suspicion that creeps in here and there that we need to set an example for the rest of the world, we are at a beginning rather than an end. Those that oppose same-sex marriage can grab headlines with sensational fear-mongering of fathers marrying their sons. It did not take the infamous Westboro Baptist Church long to blame the Drummer Lee Rigby murder on British same-sex legislation.

More worrying for me, however, are the moderate opponents that dominate the debate. They may not want to attack the person, but they want to preserve the institution of marriage. They would leave same-sex equality at an end-point of civil partnerships, satisfied with equality in law if not in name. But this is not enough.

Opponents often raise concerns about it being a stepping stone to other developments, such as children being taught in schools of the normality of the homosexual lifestyle. Think about that one. I want us to embrace this as a stepping stone and a beginning. Living in a London apartment is a normal lifestyle and living together as a heterosexual couple is perceived as a part of that normal life. The similar lifestyles lead by people that are gay, lesbian, transgender, female or those from an ethnic minority are just that too, normal lives.

This is why it is a beginning rather than an end. It points to a third ‘big’ political identity. In the West, we may be diluting homophobia with new generations, but children still use ‘gay’ as mindless ‘banter’ in schools.
We may point to this as the year when we talked about same-sex marriage, but ten European countries still ban it in their constitutions. A whole host of identities are still left out in the cold, including transgender, those who define as neither male nor female and those who are asexual.

Most importantly of all, we need to look abroad to see why this is just the beginning. Many around the world do not even have the luxury of a debate on same-sex marriage. The identity itself is seen as ‘un-African’ or punishable by death. ‘In Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country’ said President Ahmadinejad.

Columbia University might well have  laughed Mr Ahmadinejad down but when we don’t have ‘out’ homosexuals in elite sport, we cannot ourselves be complacent. This is why I will continue to add my passionate voice to the same-sex marriage conversation but never get too lost in it like it was the final and only issue. The rest of the story lies far away, beyond our comfort zone and our politicians, and it is a conversation that needs to happen soon.