Kim Jong-Un at ‘eart

The young leader pointing towards a computer featuring K-Pop sensation PSY. Photo: Flickr/ zennie62

New documents leaked from the world’s most secretive country suggest that the reason for North Korea’s recent violent rhetoric may be found in a failed diplomatic mission from South Korea. It appears that South Korea intended to use the arrival of younger leader Kim Jong-un in the hope of easing tensions between the two countries.

After scouring the funky haired head of state’s official YouTube channel the South Korean government discovered he was a great fan of internet sensation PSY. South Korea’s most famous, and only, pop star was subsequently sent across the border along with hopes of reconciliation.

The document indicates that the arrival of PSY was welcomed in Pyongyang as at first. Upon seeing PSY, Kim was initially overwhelmed by the presence of one of his heroes. However it was while PSY began demonstrating the dance moves to Gangnam Style that problems started to arise. The Kinder Egg toy sized head of state was unable to recreate the dance sequence and soon became frustrated with his attempt. Things undoubtedly turned sour after Kim Jong-un became embarrassed about this lack of dancing ability.

It was then reported that he started to accuse the diplomatic mission of being a ploy by the South Korean government to poke fun at North Korea’s inability to let loose and or get down.

PSY and his associates were deported soon after and the whole thing has been kept under wraps until now due to embarrassment on both sides of the Korean border.

Since the failed PSY mission nuclear tension has been escalating on the Korean peninsula with violent rhetoric from the North. The reasons behind the recent North Korean threat have often been misunderstood due to the suppression of these now public documents. Officials have declared total destruction on any country who welcomes Gangnam Style to its shores.

The North Koreans have left countries around the world quaking in their metaphorical boots after demonstrations of their military might. Video footage indicates that, alongside nuclear capability, they have at least one hovercraft, a handful of toy soldiers and mighty action man Kim has his own gun.

It can also be confirmed, after a scour of the dictators YouTube account, that his subscription to PSY’s YouTube channel has now been removed – although he is still a big fan of Beyoncé.

South Korean officials have said that PSY is currently in a secret location but refused to reveal any details about his possible whereabouts due to concern for the pop stars safety.

They did confirm however that if little Kim did target the pop singer they have the AEGIS capability to shoot down any warheads before they could stop PSY and his sexy ladies dancing.

The same leaked documents that gave us this information also offer some insights into Kim Jong-un’s life that have never been known outside of North Korea before. They included these facts:

– He is the only head of state to come included in a ‘Happy Meal’.
– In reality he is only 4ft. The same technology used in the Lord of the Rings franchise to make Gandalf larger in scale to hobbits is employed by the North Korean media to make Kim taller on TV.
– His favourite film is Pretty Woman.
– He always cries at the end of Four Weddings and a Funeral.
– He has a rare collection of shiny Pokémon cards that he is unwilling to trade with either the US, South Korea or Japan (unless they have the shiny Charizard that is missing from his collection).
– He has a slide going from his bedroom to the kitchen.
– He has a soft spot for raspberry ripple although he will settle for vanilla if there is a shortage of forced labour at the raspberry ripple camp.
– He narrowly escaped serious harm when straying into the path of a laser onset of the film Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
– He will be supporting Bonnie Tyler in her Eurovision bid.