A Note on Ball Etiquette

Ball season is upon us and whether you are sporting, academic or of an artistic predilection, it would be, in my opinion, a fine opportunity missed were you not to attend a single one in your university year. But how to behave? What of polite social conduct? So indoctrinated have we become to ordering pints of purple and the general crush of swaying bodies that is the modern club, the open space of a ballroom might induce an unbeknown sense of fear. Let me assure you, follow this advice and little will go wrong.

Firstly, a few fashion notes.

Women – At least make the most of wearing a vaguely decorous, demure frock and actually wear one. You cannot wear the dress you last wore to Evolve. Full length is ideal, but anything below knee length will do. Covered shoulders upon entering the ballroom has traditionally been considered an essential propriety, though naturally we wouldn’t want beautiful shoulders covered all night. Cleavage is a tricky issue and I think it is dependent on the specific person and dress, but the less the better. Clutch bags only. Heels are a must.

Men – Know your suits. Keep it classic, timeless and unassuming. Here are ‘The Rules of Black Tie’: Wear a tux jacket in plain black with either peaked lapels or a shawl collar, together with matching trousers, with suspenders if at all possible. Your shirt should be plain white with a stiff vertical band and french cuffs (the ones that require cuff links – whip out the 18th/21st birthday presents). Unless you are the known joker, never wear a jazzy bow tie – black or plain will do nicely – never, EVER a clip on (classy ladies will know). Wear a cummerbund, if at all possible, and formal black dress shoes.

Now that you are dressed, we will observe some instructions from 1880 on ball etiquette.

1. A lady or gentleman should finish their toilet before entering the room for dancing, as it is indecorous in either to be drawing on their gloves, or brushing their hair. Finish your toilet in the dressing rooms.
So basically, do not retouch makeup in the ball room, even if you have a Chanel Vitalumiere compact. Men, do up your belt before leaving the loos.

2. Always recognise the lady or gentleman, or the director of ceremonies with becoming politeness: a salute or bow is sufficient.
It would be kind to thank those on the ball exec!

3. A lady should always have an easy, becoming and graceful movement while engaged in a quadrille or promenade. It is more pleasing to the gentleman.
‘Gangham Style’ will almost inevitably be played so I am not entirely sure whether graceful and becoming will be possible throughout the night, but I do suggest avoiding such moves as ‘stacking the shelves’ and the ‘macarena’, which are not ball appropriate.

4. A lady should never engage herself for more than the following set, unless by the consent of the gentleman who accompanies her. It is very impolite and insulting in either lady or gentleman while dancing in quadrille, to mar the pleasure of others by galloping around or inside the next set.
Nope, I didn’t understand any of that either. But I think the gist is – no galloping. You are not Miranda.

5. If a gentleman, without proper introduction, should ask a lady with whom he is not acquainted to dance or promenade, the lady should positively refuse.
Getting with randomers is ill-advised even if you have had ‘un peu trop de vin’.

6. Recollect, the desire of imparting pleasure, especially to the ladies, is one of the essential qualifications of a gentleman.
Clearly, do not spend time with bores.

7. Ladies should not be too hasty in filling their program on their entrance to the ball room, as they may have cause for regret should a friend happen to enter.
Plan your table when you know of all your friends who plan to go in order to avoid a similarly regretful situation.

8. An introduction in a public ball room must be understood by the gentleman to be for that evening only, after which the acquaintanceship ceases, unless the lady chooses to recognise it at any further time or place.
If you wake up the morning after the night before in a room unbeknown to you, having ignored point 5, do not assume this is start of a beautiful relationship.

9. A lady should not attend a public ball without an escort, nor should she promenade the ball room alone; in fact, no lady should be left unattended.
Even if you are very confident and suave, wandering about by yourself will just convince everyone else you are a little bit tipsy, so stick with friends. Similarly, don’t desert the one whose had a bit too much.

Finally, a word from the finest lady of all time, if you are still not entirely convinced whether a ball is your thing:

“It may be possible to do without dancing entirely. Instances have been known of young people passing many, many months successively, without being at any ball of any description, and no material injury accrue to either body or mind;–but when a beginning is made–when the felicities of rapid motion have once been, though slightly, felt–it must be a very heavy set that does not ask for more.” Jane Austen, Emma