Dressing to impress

Winter means ugly. Chapped hands, dry hair, pale skin, failed diets etc. What better way to hide it all than two jumpers and a cardigan over the top? As one of those few people who can’t justifiably afford any of those cashmere aprés ski numbers, I am of the opinion that you should just wear all the clothes you already own. ALL of them. At the same time.

It’s a money saver if anything. Layers. Layers everywhere. More layers than an onion. Underwear, multiple pairs of tights, leggings, vests, more vests, t-shirts, jumpers, several cardigans – could even shove a cheeky onesie under there. (Side note: wearing a onesie on its own is not and will never ever be classed as fashionable. If you’re too lazy to manage putting on a top AND trousers, maybe you shouldn’t leave the house.)

Basically, wear ALL THE CLOTHES. As we battle the British cold it’s best to follow the Scouts’ advice when it comes to what to wear: “be prepared”. Girls who go out with bare legs in any month where Christmas decorations are still in shops are utterly mad.

Wearing jogging bottoms to and from a club is a perfectly reasonable way to retain both body heat and dignity. Besides, no-one really cares. It’s all leavers, society and Warwick Uni hoodies on campus. Throw on something with a Topshop label and you’re basically Warwick’s answer to Alexa Chung.

For those among us who do care, here’s what I’ve managed to distill from spending half my time in Topshop and the rest googling the word fashion (what degree?):

– Burgundy – sorry, OXBLOOD – is making its annual rounds on the high street. I’ve also seen the words ‘fennel green’ banded about on some serious fashion blog, ‘enlivened with clear crystal blue’. So yeah, er, do that.

– Cigarette pants! The healthiest way to look smokin’ this season.

– Channel the hipster with a hideous woolly jumper from the 80s that somehow manages to look amazing. Wear with three pairs of tights under leggings or super tight jeans.

– Try for a hopeful dash of spring; a floral dress paired with thick woolly tights, a jumper, two cardigans and a thick coat, for example.

– Fairisle accessories are nice too. I’m not nearly together enough to own matching knitted accessories. People who do freak me out no end. Anything goes, provided you stay at least a mile’s radius away from those horrendously cute animal hats.

– The inimitable fur coat is a must; they make you look twice your natural human size, they’re toasty warm, and, best of all, they make you feel like a bear/wild animal. Grrr. Run to your nearest Topshop/vintage store now (loose morals on fur-trade may be necessary).

Whatever you wear, and however many layers that involves, just remember that fashion really isn’t as important as maintaining a healthy body temperature. Dress as ugly as you like, as long as it’s warm.