Student dating for dummies

You’ve spent the last five months covertly staring at the object of your desire during seminars and the prospect of a date this Valentine’s Day beckons.

However, before you fling yourself into the flaming bear pit of the “first date” at university, here are some suggestions of places to avoid on February 14th, with some nifty alternatives.

Just don’t go there : The Cinema

Because nothing screams “I want to get to know you” like sitting together in a darkened room in silence watching significantly more attractive people have a more successful date on a huge screen. Unless your date is Derren Brown, you’re unlikely to be stimulating company.

Why not try… The Mead Gallery

Instead of selling your internal organs to be able to afford tickets to see a film, why not head over to Warwick Arts Centre for free and watch kooky video installations? Who can honestly say they’ve never wondered what would happen if a fully grown (and apparently sexually frustrated) vulture was left unattended to destroy a cramped workroom full of abandoned office items? Thanks to the Mead’s latest exhibition, “Workplace”, this will no longer be an insatiable curiosity. It’s there, it’s looped, and it’s quite frankly hilarious. “So, how did you two first get together?” ask the guests of your wedding reception. “Well, it began somewhere between a carnivorous bird of prey and a hole punch” said nobody, ever. Make it happen, and leave the awkward flailing around to the bird.

Just don’t go there: Curiositea

Coffee stays hot for around half an hour. So will your date. The glass walls turn what masquerades as kitsch food and beverage outlet into an obscure zoo enclosure for couples who apparently feed only on heart-shaped goodies.

Why not try … Kenilworth

If your idea of making something “Extra Special” is adding a flake and some whipped cream, you need to think again, in the form of cocktails. If there was ever a reason for the U17 to make you late for your lecture to drop 67-year-old Barry off with his shopping during rush hour, it’s cocktails. Jugs of Eliminator definitely don’t count. Surprisingly, Kenilworth is home to award-winning cocktail joints – not exactly cheap, but tot up your collection of library café receipts and I can guarantee you’ll feel just as sick as the morning after a skinful of well mixed, exciting drinks (minus the satisfaction of an evening getting to know that special someone).

Just don’t go there: The Dirty Duck

Nobody looks hot eating a Chicken Inferno Burger. Fact.

Why not try … Food on the Go

Why sit watching each other eat when you can combine food with a cheeky bit of exploration? “Going for a walk” is a fool-proof date. Campus dwellers could grab a sandwich from Costcutter and head down to Tocil Woods. Even if the weather’s awful you’re guaranteed privacy, and you might even get to see some LARP in action. Leamington dwellers could try wandering down the canalside towards Warwick- a surprisingly scenic route, and if you run out of things to talk about you can always silently judge the joggers you encounter, bag of quavers in hand.

Who said romance was dead?