Rebel without a cause: Shark wrestling
**In parallel world news an imaginary wrestling federation has come under harsh criticism after the launch of its first inter-species wrestling event on a beach in Australia. **
Paul Marshallsea from Wales, wrestler name _MerthyrMan_, was pitted against a dusky whaler shark in what is thought to be the first sports contest of its kind. Pleased officials say that this could be a serious contender for a new sport at Rio in 2016 however critics have said it is inherently unfair to humans as sharks are unwilling to fight on dry ground and so will always have an unfair advantage.
{{ quote The shark refused to speak to reporters, due to the embarrassing nature of his loss and simply thrashed about indicating that the shallow water he had been lured into benefited Marshallsea. }}
People who had not been informed about the event looked onwards at the spectacle in a bewildered manner as they saw _MerthyrMan_ and the shark tussle. _MerthyrMan_ was deemed to have the upper hand in the beginning, grabbing the shark by its tail, but this illusion was quickly dispelled after he fell backwards into the water allowing the shark an attempt at a cheeky nibble of his kneecaps. The shark was subsequently disqualified for unfair conduct as trying to eat the other contestant was strictly forbidden in the rulebook the fish had been shown before the match.
The shark refused to speak to reporters, due to the embarrassing nature of his loss and simply thrashed about indicating that the shallow water he had been lured into benefited Marshallsea. He was subsequently chased away by lifeguards who were unaware of his participation in the event.
Criticism has come to be mainly focused on the confusion that was garnered when the wrestling organisation decided to place toddlers in the shallow water of the beach as bait to lure the shark towards MerthyrMan however due to the nature of his headlock and finbuster no small children were nibbled in the process of filming.
After the success of this trial run, there may also be a television show in the works where celebrities come to grips with these underwater hunters. We could see John Terry racially abusing a great white in the pre-match warm up, Kim Kardashian being swallowed whole by a basking shark, Joey Essex’s fake tan muddying the water as he gets mauled by an inquisitive mako and the cast of Hollyoaks being pitted against a school of hammerheads. The possibilities may be endless as plans to branch out into other species were revealed which could make Greco-Wolf wrestling and bear boxing a permanent fixture on our television screens.
Marshallsea released a fake press statement after the bout saying that ‘I’m glad that Welsh people will finally be associated with animals in a different way from that terrible stereotype, we are fighters, not lovers’.
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