Snow, spooning and sex appeal

“Luke, can we spoon?”
“We already are Tom” came the reply from close behind me. I suppose my lack of awareness of my enviable position as little spoon was was due the biting cold that had left me numb all over.

My friend Luke and I were attempting to sleep curled up on a small rock ledge most of the way up the Aiguille du Midi, a mountain in the Mt Blanc range of the French Alps. Mountains are generally cold, and this one was no exception. If you insist on sleeping on one without a tent I certainly recommend taking at least a sleeping bag. If you don’t, little spoon or not, you’re in for a sleepless night, take it from me.

So what were we doing there and why did we insist on making ourselves as uncomfortable as possible? Good question. It certainly not to get to the top; indeed bolted to the top of the Aiguille du Midi is a gondola station and our 30 hour journey up 1200m of nearly vertical rock and ice could have been shortened to a 10 minute cruise on a gondola. No, there are many reasons why we feel compelled to put ourselves through such uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous ordeals, but none of them are as rational as wanting to get to the top.

I won’t talk too much about how the mountains affect me- the wonderful childlike thrill of being amongst them, the way I daydream about them. I realise that most people struggle to listen, nevermind read about me spout about this. If you are at all curious, I recommend you go and have your own adventure amongst the mountains; these things are quite personal and definitely best experienced first-hand.

Instead I will outline two motivations that are a little more tangible, reasons we can all relate to. It is well known in the climbing community that most alpinists endure the danger and discomfort primarily for the sex and food. It might come as a surprise to you but Luke and I literally had to fight the women off after arriving at the gondola station at the top of the Aiguille du Midi- a very new situation for both of us. Apart from our several-day-unwashed odour, scraggly beards and peeling sunburnt faces we were at a loss to explain it.

The food too is another reason. I have lost count of the number of jars of tomato based pasta sauces we got through in the campsite in the valley, and that’s not mentioning the packets of instant noodles or Luke’s special cups of tea- chicken stock cube in boiling water. Living the dream? I think so. I arrived home with the figure straight out of a magazine, protruding ribs and all.

So there we have it, with sex appeal of Sarah Jessica Parker and a diet of Kings, it is a wonder not more people travel to the mountains. I can only encourage you to pack your bags and head off for an adventure- you might be surprised by the magic, and beauty, of the mountains. I certainly was.