Josie Long: “I would give the Queen a walrus moustache”

**Your latest tour, _Romance and Adventure_, will be on at Warwick Arts Centre on the 8th December. What’s it all about?**

Well, the title’s a bit of a con, because it’s not really about romance or adventure… It’s a little bit about how much I like posh sports, and how as a comedian you just get given all these chances to do fun, quite unusual things. But then it’s a little bit about feeling worried that I can’t be useful in fighting the coalition, being who I am, and doing what I am.

But it’s more fun than that sounds! It’s really silly.

**You started doing stand up pretty early on in your life: how do you think your work has changed over time? **

Well, I feel definitely a lot more comfortable on the stage than I used to- I think I used to get really nervous. When I first started, I would only write stand up that was really surreal and removed from my life, whereas now I like to think I could write about anything, really.

I also feel very much that if I care about something, I’ll write about it… But I think it’s a more rounded version of me on stage now, because I used to just focus on what I loved, and mainly write shows that were quite focused on the positive, I suppose? Whereas now, they’re not really fully focused on that, but I like to think that they’re still kind of fun and have a positive message to them. I think it’s slightly more balanced now, I think there’s more of a range to it.

**A number of women working in the media have spoken up recently about how much abuse they get, particularly online, for being outspoken politically. Is that something you’ve encountered?**

Oh yeah, definitely. I think it’s really weird: whenever I say anything political on Twitter I get people [who] just, sort of, treat me with contempt for it. And I do think that it happens more to women.

I also think that all comedians get really intense abuse online, and I’m not quite sure why. But I think that [comedy is] something people really care about, and they get angry when they don’t think someone’s funny, and they don’t think they deserve to have a career or to do what they do. And they’re like: “It’s not funny! Why?!” if they want to stop you.

But I do think it’s more for women… I don’t know, I think it sort of reflects the fact that our culture is still really sexist and misogynist, but I think it takes a while to realise that you’re allowed to have a voice, and to be confident enough to be able to go: “These people are being wrong and they’re abusing me, and they’re trying to stifle me.”

**When you do get abuse online, do you ignore trolls, or deal with them?**

I do the full gamut- sometimes I’ll tell them to fuck off, sometimes I’ll be really aggressively polite to them, sometimes I’ll be like, a little bit creepy with them? Like “Heya sweetheart winky face!”, because I know that they hate that.

It depends on how I’m feeling, because I get so much of it, and it depends when they catch me. Sometimes I’ll block them straight away, sometimes I’ll retweet them, and sometimes I’ll be really very dignified.

The other day someone was very mean about my show, and I sent them a photo of all the awards that I’ve won. Which in retrospect I think was a stupid thing to do, but at the time it made me feel better.

**I’d like to talk to you about your magazine, _Drawing Moustaches on Celebrity Magazines Magazine_ and some of your work with the Guardian, the Alternate Reality comics. How did they come about?**

I started making zines when I was a teenager, and that was when I started going to gigs and things in London… It was kind of the tail end of Riot Grrrl and stuff like that, so it was [involved in] the culture of that.
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I’d also incorporate them into my stage shows, and with every show I do I have little fanzines that I give out to the crowd. So the editor went to one of my shows and really loved it, and wanted to know if I could do something, and we just came up with that idea together… I quite enjoy trying to make it vaguely political, when it starts out really seemingly just fun. Also, it’s improving my drawing although you wouldn’t necessarily notice that!

**If you could live in any of your alternate realities, which would pick?**

Oh my god, that is such an exciting question for me. I would pick the “If Advent Calendars Were Much More Exciting” one. That would probably involve minimal damage… Or maybe- oh no! I would do “If Lad Culture Hadn’t Taken off”, which was about how young men instead just got really into learning for the love of it, and went out and got really drunk on learning, and everyone loved otters, and lads’ magazines were just really special interest magazines. That’s what I’d like more than anything in the world.

**That was when UniLad was attracting a lot of attention…**

It was! And it was sort of slagging off Danny Dyer, which is always a fun pastime.

**You’ve worked with a lot of really famous, interesting people like Stewart Lee and Alan Moore. Did anyone surprise you when you finally met them?**

Actually, it’s been kind of wonderful. Most of the people who I’ve actually gotten to meet… You meet them and they really don’t let you down. I have this thing, where if you like someone’s work, because they can’t help but be kind of transparent in the way that they make things and the way they go about making things, I like to think that it’s a really good marker for whether you’ll get along with them or not.

So I haven’t had any real shockers, which I’m really glad about, because I think it would be too harsh… Like, Alan Moore is just such an inspiring and kind person, and it would have been so gutting if I’d met him and he’d been just nothing like that!

So yeah, there’s not been anyone who’s been a real let down… No wait- I met Stephen Fry on a panel show, he made a very mean spirited joke to suggest that I was really stupid and common, so that was a bit sad.

**You’ve toured, acted, made zines, directed and written… Do you have any other hidden talents?**

I have just made two films this year, two quite long, short films (if that makes sense). I made a 20 minute short in April, and we just finished filming a half an hour short in early November. They’re both set in Glasgow, and I wrote them both for me to star in, my friend directed them, and we kind of collaborated on the whole process- I’m really pleased with them.

The first short film is called Let’s Go Swimming and the second film is called Romance and Adventure- just because I really love the title, and I was writing it around the same time as I was writing the show, so I wanted them to kind of tie-in with one another a little bit.

Basically, I’m touring this show until Christmas, and then I’m taking a year off when I’m not going to write another show. So I’m just going to have some time to myself, and I’m going to use that time to write a feature film. We’re going to make it with the same crew, and I’m going to write that for myself to star in and that kind of thing; so that’s what I’m really excited by at the moment.

**When you’re writing a show, when find do you get the most inspiration?**

It’s the sort of thing where you have to write it, so then with everything in your life you become really attuned- more than normal. So you can be walking around, and suddenly you’re listening to what everyone says, and you’re filtering it like “Is this significant?” And with everything you see, you’re ready to pounce on it. You become this little vampire.
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There’s something a friend of mine says, about how you’re always baking your ideas in the back of your mind: so when you think you’re not working on them, secretly on some subconscious level you’re definitely working on them. Although I think that might just be an excuse for being lazy!

**
If you could permanently affix a moustache to a celebrity of your choice, who would you pick, and why?**

If I could put a real moustache on any human being… Oh my God, that is an incredible power. Who would I give a moustache to…? The Queen would be a great one! I would give the Queen a walrus moustache. Oh, she would look delightful, and it would liven up stamps. It would be good for blurring gender lines, people would be like “What’s with the moustache?” and she’d be like “Deal with it guys, that’s England!”

**It would have been a nice Movember statement…**

It would be very supportive to Movember, which I feel like she hasn’t been so far.

**I’m actually shocked that she hasn’t grown a moustache.**

Exactly. She is selfish. She should grow a giant walrus moustache.

**So, what’s on your Christmas wish list?**

I would really like those big towels you can get that are also like a robe, and they’re like a hoodie as well, but they all made out of towel- so if you go swimming in the sea, [you can] just put that over you and you can get changed underneath it in public. You could have the mayor sit next to you and they wouldn’t know you were getting changed. And that is what I’d like. But nobody’s going to get it for me, so I’m going to get it for myself.

**After we publish this, you might get given hundreds of them…**

Oh my God, if that happened I would be a little bit freaked out, but I would also be- oh my God, that would be the best thing that ever happened to me. People buying me towelling robes. That is celebrity, that is.

_Josie Long’s Romance and Adventure will be in the Studio at Warwick Arts Centre on December 8th at 7.45. Tickets are available at http://www.warwickartscentre.co.uk/events/comedy/josie-long-romance-and-adventure.

Like and share this article on Facebook for the chance to win two free tickets this Saturday._