Oz Oz Baby

Time for destination two of your round the world trip. If you missed the first article in this series then never fear, track it down online at the boar.org/travel. After your free stopover in Singapore it’s time to conquer Australia before heading onto New Zealand and Fiji. More on those later, for now let’s look at what to do in the mighty Oz.

Australia is so huge that I’ve devoted two articles to this monster. Most visitors only scout the east coast but if I have one piece of advice regarding this huge island, it would be make sure you head inland too. Most likely you will fly into Sydney, Brisbane or Cairns though, so here’s a rundown of the best things to do on the east coast.

The Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb is expensive, but well worth it. The views are amazing and if you’re scared of heights then you’ll get an extra adrenaline rush. If you stay longer, then take a ferry to Manly for the day and eat the best fish and chips in all of Australia on the beach. A ferry back at sunset will get you a great photo of the Opera House.

If you’re going to try surfing I recommend Mojosurf Surf School. They operate out of Sydney and Byron Bay, but I suggest you hop on a bus to one of their remote surf camps at Crescent Head or Spot X. The waves at Spot X are small, giving you the best chance of getting on your board, and then if you turn out to be a pro you can throw yourself into the more challenging surf up the coast at Byron Bay. Surf Camp has a small community feel where guests mix with staff, especially around the evening campfires. I didn’t make friends with any sharks and you probably won’t either.

Next, use either Brisbane or Noosa as a base and catch a bus to Australia Zoo. Yes, this was Steve Irwin’s zoo and the crazy presenter is still plastered all over the walls. The gift shop is the most disturbing thing you’ll ever see – anyone for a Bindi Irwin fitness video? There’s plenty of crocs here and from this point onwards you’re entering the north of the country where the water is warmer, therefore it’s best to stay dry unless you want to see a crocodile up close. (You can’t get closer than being eaten by one).

From Noosa I travelled to Rainbow Beach, again just a base for my two-day trip to Fraser Island. I recommend a guided tour as opposed to the self-drives. The self-drives are extremely popular because they’re cheap, but the travellers I spoke to warned me of four things: a) you don’t choose your fellow passengers b) you don’t necessarily get to choose your driver either c) drives are usually boozy and you’ll be helpless if your driver likes a drink d) driving on sand is a skill. I won’t go into the gory details of what happens when a jeep rolls over, that’s what Google is for. My other word of warning about Fraser Island would be that the dingoes might look cute, but at the end of the day they are wild animals that hunt for food like any other wild dog. This doesn’t mean that they’re going to chew your face off in your sleep, but if you stroke one with a bacon sandwich in your hand I think you can guess what happens.

Further on, you could spend a fortune in the teeny town of 1770, but the top two things to do are Scooteroo and flying your own plane! Scooteroo give you a mini Harley Davidson to go kangaroo spotting on, while your accommodation should be able to book you a ride in a two-seater airplane that lands on a beach and then lets you take off again. Charge up your camera before you go! Airlie Beach is another place that acts more as a stopover rather than a destination in its own right. From here I sailed on Siska overnight to the Whitsundays with Southern Cross Sailing. Siska wasn’t cheap, but if you want a lounger on deck and a proper bed it will cost a fortune. The bunks are fine for a night. Most boats go to Whitehaven Beach, voted one of the most beautiful in the world. You can usually dive and/or snorkel in the Whitsundays, but the snorkelling further up the coast is better by far. My dive experience was going to be thirty minutes long…which meant I had three minutes to sign a piece of paper telling me I might die, before a crewman strapped me into the weights and then the only instructor raced through the briefing. Thirty minute dive, thirty second briefing…Sod this, I said, and chilled on the beach. If you have any reservations about diving I suggest doing your research and going on a decent course for a few days.

Magnetic Island is popular within good reason. The hiking and the beaches here are both supreme so whether you’re active or lazy you’ll be sorted. The horseriding in Horseshoe Bay is unique because you’ll need a wetsuit. After a splash in the sea on horseback, a Full Moon Party at Base Backpackers sounds like a good idea, right? Er, no, it isn’t really. I’m sure once upon a time they were a novelty and everyone had a genuinely good time, but these days tickets are free and the whole affair lacklustre. (You can’t go on the beach for security reasons…says it all really).

I’ve been white-water rafting many times but the scariest trip I’ve done was near Mission Beach on the Tully River. The guides at Raging Thunder would all be at home in a lunatic asylum, but if you’re particularly terrified of drowning then ask to go with one of the ‘tame’ guides. You’ll still have to jump off of rocks and get the boat dumped on top of you but you can get out of swimming the rapids if you’re not a great swimmer. Mind the croc at the end of the river (no, really). Raging Thunder should be able to drop you off in Cairns at the end of the day if this is next on your itinerary.

In Cairns, A.J. Hackett’s Bungy is a no-brainer. Why wouldn’t you want to throw yourself from a 50m tall platform over water? I managed to do this without any injuries so it’s about as idiot-proof as terrifying activities get. I also took a bus to Cape Tribulation so I could go snorkelling on the Rum Runner. This is my preferred alternative to the Whitsundays because the quality of underwater life is a lot better and there were more crew on board, enough for someone to swim with you if you’ve seen Open Water too many times.

There you have the east coast of Australia. Six more things you should know: 1. ‘Base Backpackers’ is a reliable hostel chain. 2. You get nearly $2 for a pound, but overestimate how much you’re going to spend 3. You probably won’t see a poisonous spider or snake, but shake out your shoes anyway 4. ‘Goon’ means nasty box wine. You won’t be alone if you party on the east coast, but don’t be a loser and miss your surfing/bungy/snorkelling/plane because of too much goon 5. Don’t show this article to your parents because nearly everything I’ve recommended is life-threatening 6. You’ll have an amazing time for that exact reason…For the record, I didn’t get a single scratch in Australia, despite all the dangers I’ve detailed graphically above.

Next time I’ll blitz through things to do in the interior, including must-see-before-you-die Ayer’s Rock (Uluru) and feeding crocodiles.