Secret Diary of a Boar Girl

Being a History and Politics fresher, I’m not quite at the level of the improv-sink-showering in the library, but exam season still means intense panic and procrastination.

In my case, that meant music. Lots and lots of music. So, naturally, I thought I’d share – and hopefully get some more suggestions. I am rather short of a summer soundtrack…

**Four weeks to go…**

Just handed in my last assessed essay, blasting AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’ all the way. For those of you who have not written a 4,500 word essay worth 50 percent of your module mark in four days, unpleasant is an understatement. Of course, after four solid days of actual work, revision can’t start for a while yet.

So, naturally, out come the mix tapes. Strangely, my friend Chris has pulled through, and the entire Black Keys discography heads straight into my iTunes – ‘Grown So Ugly’ was my first way of irritating the flatmates at 3am, purely for the blatant John Lee Hooker tribute, but their latest album has ‘Gold on the Ceiling’ and ‘Nova Baby’ are both instant classics.

**Three weeks to go…**

An impromptu wine, cider, whisky, cheese and Doritos night-in means I spend the next three days listening to some men from Oxford University do a Jessie J and Katy Perry medley with a bit of Salt’n’Pepa thrown in for seasoning. Acapella. No, seriously. YouTube Out of the Blue; you’ll be amazed. While you’re at it, check out their female counterparts In the Pink who are just as awesome – especially their mash-up of ‘Rumour has it’ and ‘Mercy’.

**Two weeks to go…**

What better procrastination tool is there than to clear out your iTunes after discovering a load of new bands? Especially when you discover you still own Shaggy’s classic tune ‘Mr Boombastic’ and you’ve played it 32 times since September. Sometimes words alone cannot express the shame.

Surprise 30 degree heat – in May – effectively ended all work: the Beatles classic ‘Here Comes the Sun’ while lazing around on a blanket outside was much more appealing. ‘Staying out for the Summer’ by Dodgy – classic name – accompanied the delirium once I blew the five-month-thick dust (literally) off my seminar notes, only to discover they mostly consisted of doodles of flowers. Ah well, ages left until I actually need to revise…

**A week to go…**
Successfully revising my first full topic meant ‘Lonely Boy’ by the Black Keys provided the soundtrack to my energised optimism. Energy drinks, you say? Never… It terrified me slightly when I took four days to revise one topic and I had to revise at least one a day to pass the exam. This song got me through. You should try it: by the end, you will not only know all the words and dance routine, it will use up all your Spotify plays. It’s that good.

**Six days to go…**

A procrastination trip to the Duck and its jukebox led me to the comforting arms of YouTube for a good three hours of the Monochrome Set, Toto and Pink Floyd classics. No better soundtrack to attempts at revision than the drum solo of ‘Africa’. Especially when you get distracted enough to attempt to tap out the beat. While on the silent floor of the library. Library stewards hate my guts at this point.

**Three days to go…**

Jesus, how did it come to this? There can only be one soundtrack to quarantining myself in the library ten hours a day and living off food I can cook and consume in under twenty minutes. The Blues Brothers. If ‘Everybody Needs Somebody to Love’ starts to become a cornerstone of my sanity by T-2? I’ll deal with it.
Day after the first exam…

I have two more exams in less than ten days, do I? Well I, for one, am ‘Feeling Good’ and I recommend it strongly: if it’s raining, go for Muse’s hair-sprayed, head-banging cover, but if the sun is shining you are morally obliged to get out Nina’s sultry, jazzy original. Maybe take a textbook while you lie down outside. Maybe. If it’s nice and soft. It might be useful as a pillow.

**Post-exam drunken slump…**

Whatever comes up on the jukebox in the pub. At this stage, I’m conserving any and all change for alcohol. What did you say? Pop! at the Union? Sounds like a great plan! Belting out ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight?’

Definitely the most unique clubbing experience… After eternal high-fives and tears of relief – regardless of projected mark – I realise this has to happen every summer for the next three years. I say, bring it on; I have the music and chutzpah to cope.

Of course, after all that madness, I’ll want to retreat to my room with Pink Floyd’s ‘Comfortably Numb’ and sprawl for a few days. So grab a load of cushions, a comfort movie (I suggest the Blues Brothers), comfortable clothes (preferably a onesie) and your mates for a chill-out session. Crucial element: no-one can mention results day. Anyone who even references it is instantly barred.

So, there you go. Do have a listen to these tracks and check out the albums and artists, too. Good luck with your exams (if you’re unlucky enough to still have them flying about) and I’ll leave you with a final song to blast out, whether you get a first, fail or anything in between.
The final suggestion comes from my genius of a flatmate: ‘Eye of the Tiger’ by Survivor. Psych yourself up for your future and make it awesome.