Who needs class and culture?

Sometimes, you look at what’s on the TV, and it gives you nothing but an empty feeling of despair: channel after channel showing _Jeremy Kyle_; property after property programme; and a stale American comedy thrown in for good measure. That’s when you discover the delights __Geordie Shore._

First, there was _MTV_’s _Jersey Shore_, which consisted of putting a group of Italian Americans in a house, filming them constantly and waiting for the fireworks to explode. Not content with having just an American version, the producers decided to translate the concept into more UK-friendly terms, namely the Geordies of Newcastle. _MTV’s_ imagination must have been on hold that day because what was the creative name given to this pinnacle of entertainment? Why, _Geordie Shore_ of course!

This new British version holds nothing really different to _Jersey Shore_, except the climate, the accents and perhaps a slight (and I mean slight), increase in the intelligence of the characters. Similarly to _Big Brother_, the audience watches a group of people, who don’t know each other, negotiate the treacherous minefield of social conduct. However, a key difference is that the characters are not confined to the house; they are free to leave the house and enter the jungle that is Newcastle. Also, gone is the CCTV surveillance, rather a film crew follows them around for the entire time. Furthermore, the characters actually have to work in order to maintain their position in the house. In the first series, this involved working as party promoters – apparently, the only way to promote a party is to wear such little clothing that practically every body part is on show. Luckily, the second series involves slightly less flesh on show… as the characters function as mobile fake-tan appliers. Indeed, according to them, to be a true Geordie is to have a tan that could only be produced by close proximity to the sun or failing that, a nuclear explosion.

Essentially, _Geordie Shore_, follows a group of Geordies around Newcastle, filming their nights out on the town and their interactions with each other and unexpecting others in nightclubs. However, rather than having any indication of moderation or knowledge of decorum, these people become “mortal” (their slang for drunk), and attempt to engage in sexual relations with anything that has a pulse and a severe lack of clothing. One character, Gary, claims that he “should have a degree in pulling women”. His highly scientific method is to lift his top to expose his six-pack, the product of a narcissistic and self-indulgent love of the gym. In a typical episode, the male characters engage in games of tonsil tennis with members of the opposite sex whilst the females become too drunk to be able to communicate and talk properly. When the housemates return home, the males take their newly made female friends and depart for the bedrooms and dedicated “shag pad”, becoming incubators for every known STD, whilst the females throw up in all sorts of inventive ways.

I realise that this is not the most favourable description of _Geordie Shore_; it’s hard to think of the show without referring to its unnecessarily hedonistic elements. But I have to say, I can’t stop watching it: the drama in the show is something unparalleled. What other programme would document one woman attempting to achieve her goal of seducing her roommate by sneaking up on him in the night and getting under the covers of his bed? Granted, this really isn’t high culture in any sense, nor is it an indictment of sensibility – _Jeremy Kyle_ show participants are likely to have shown greater displays of sense.

That’s why I think it works so well, it displays the ultimate hedonistic life many people try and emulate, especially whilst young and students. This is by no means an ideal message to be showing people, but it certainly makes semi-decent TV, and who doesn’t like to watch someone laugh so hard that they wet themselves? Whilst a damning representation of Geordies and youth in general, _Geordie Shore_ at the very least promises an hour of entertainment, but, you may have to have a shower afterwards to cleanse yourself.