Zombody do something

I’ve thought long and hard about this issue, and I’ve come to an important conclusion. Occupy Warwick is insignificant. I can take or leave your views on Bacardi or certain sources of water. Heck, even the rise of tuition fees is like water off a duck’s back. This is because there is a far more pressing need for action. There is only one problem that fills my head, and makes my mind drift during seminars. And it is this: How is my degree preparing me for a zombie attack?

I think it’s a valid question to ask. I might have to bring it up at the next Union Council or General Meeting, but I fear that as it’s nothing to do with banning things or proxy voting, nobody will listen or take it seriously. This is despite the fact it’s very serious indeed; dead serious.

I feel this especially applies to me. I study History and Politics, a noble path of study, of course, but I believe that a few extra modules could be added. I know the works of Thomas Hobbes, yet I don’t know how to properly load and accurately fire a shotgun (you have to be able to aim for the head after all). I feel my time might be better spent learning how to survive out in the wild than hearing about the Portuguese Revolution of 1974.

I am surely not alone; English students shouldn’t be reading Pride and Prejudice, but should know word for word Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Those who study Chemistry and Biology should be prepared to start looking for the cure when the outbreak happens.

There are those I feel jealous of. Students who do athletics at Warwick will surely be more likely to avoid being bitten and infected than those who consider walking to Tesco far too strenuous. Those who study Psychology will be essential when society starts to break down and it becomes crucial to know who to trust. And people may laugh at the London looter who made off with a bag of basmati rice, but I tell you now, everyone will want to be his friend when supplies start to run thin.

I feel that with the rise of tuition fees, there is now no excuse for every Warwick student not to be provided with the essential training they’ll need for the zombie apocalypse. There should be mandatory firearms classes, lectures on the best places to head for when the outbreak occurs and seminars on how to assemble your very own rag-tag bunch of survivors.

I plan to organise a march in London later this year to bring this to the government’s attention; I feel that this is something David Cameron can hinge his political legacy on. If you don’t join me in my crusade, then fair enough; just be warned that I may not waste ammo on your behalf when you’re being eaten alive. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have studying to do: The Walking Dead is going to educate me in survival.