White lies: a grey area

Everyone tells lies. We tell them to our friends about what we truly think of their new haircut, to our parents about how much we actually spend on alcohol each week and to our random family members about how utterly fabulous our new socks are each Christmas.

We are all liars – we lie to others and we lie to ourselves (usually that our lying to others is justified) and anyone that says they never lie is the biggest liar of us all.

Honesty is a virtue – that’s what my teacher told me in primary school anyway. So why is it that we tell lies at all if we know they are bad? Are we in fact justified in our porkie telling? So I find myself asking when is lying bad and when is it good? And is lying in a relationship a survival tool or a downward spiral to deceit?

Guys and girls – we have all been there. Cast your mind firmly back to ‘that awkward moment’ when your significant other/BFF turns to you with the inevitable question – ‘Does my (fill gap here) look good/ big/ small in this?’

We all know that there is only one answer to a classic such as this and more often than not we say what they want to hear because it’s kind, and no one likes being bitch-slapped.

When it comes to romantic relationships in particular we aim as much as possible to make the other person feel happy, be it in the early days when you want them to like you, or in the long-term stages to keep them liking you.

A psychological study found that 92 per cent of sexual partners had lied to each other about something, which left me wondering if the remaining eight per cent were lying about being truthful! There are many different lies that we tell our significant other and here are a few examples of the more common ones:

‘I’m fine’ – I, for one, am an everyday user of this classic, because sometimes we don’t want to tell you what is wrong and if we do, we want to see if you care enough to dig a bit deeper, crawl on your hand and knees and beg us to unfold our troubles.

Number of previous sexual partners/relationships – To quote some academic authority (ahem, American Pie) I would like to introduce the ‘number 3’ rule. Although not universally correct we can all see the basic social logic – men multiply their actual number by three to appear the ‘stud’ and women divide theirs by three to appear virtuous and angelic. Despite major advances to sexual equality and ignoring the obvious gender generalisation, the principle is there and it is used. Quite a lot.

Performance in the bedroom – Being at your most intimate and vulnerable, no one really wants to hear to truth (unless it is good of course) so we often extend it to keep the other party at ease. The use of a little lie here, allows embarrassing situations to lessen, bodily insecurities to fade and egos to be massaged, so the timeless ‘It’s ok, it happens to all guys, it’s not a big deal’ are wholly acceptable and in my view to be actively encouraged if you fancy the event happening again.

The amount of times you have hooked up with your ex… and the fact that you still see them – Need I elaborate?!

You hate their family – Relationships come and go but family is for life, so this is perhaps one to keep to yourself…

Ricky Gervais’ film ‘The Invention of Lying’ shows us what a world without lies would be. And it is brutal. So I say that the best way forward is to of course strive for the truth, but when it is not the best option then a small deviation is ok. I am not talking huge ‘it’s your baby’-type comments, but for everyday trivialities it is often the most favourable preference for all involved, because let’s face it – who really wants to know how big their bum looks in this?