School’s out for the summer – almost

Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo. Here comes the sun. And I say…oh, really?

It feels so perverse to be swottishly toiling in the oppressively peopled, festering confines of the library, just as the sun begins to tenderly lap our limbs; to have to trade in its benevolent, caressing light for the garish, humming bulbs of the library.

For some reason, our brains are expected to be at their most creative, intellectually active and coherent when our bodies are at their most soporific.

All we really want is to flop into a pile of daisies, infuse the scent of freshly mown grass and doze off to the tinkle of glasses and the distant (though not too distant) jingle of the ice cream van. But no. Revision it is, and I tell you, our retreat to the library is heroic.

But it’s not all about the actual revision. We know the score, right? Take plenty of exercise, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of water, eat plenty of bananas, draw plenty of colour-coded mind maps (um, sure), take plenty of revision breaks… Yeah yeah yeah. We got it. The revision mantra: exercise, sleep, drink, eat, revise a bit, break. Here’s Lifestyle’s way how:

1. Exercise. Zumba: the new, fun, designer way to get fit. Shakira, Victoria Beckham and Michelle Obama are all massive fans. And the best thing about it? The universally acknowledged truth that you won’t be judged. Zumba isn’t about showing off your dance moves; it’s about having a laugh.

2. Sleep. This includes napping. Anytime. Anywhere. Simple.

3. Drink. Smoothies are underrated. They’re healthy, colourful and truly scrumptious. Call it fruit punch and garnish with a cocktail umbrella and in an instant, a smoothie can transport you from Butthole Lane (I kid you not, the place exists) to Hawaii. And don’t forget the soupçon of vino before that presentation or oral exam. Fulfilling its role as social lubricant, it can only serve to ease your nerves as you garrulously pour forth impressive words you can’t even remember learning.

4. Food. It’s picnic time. Donning the quintessential straw hat, fill a hamper/bag for life with cocktail sausages, cherry tomatoes, samosas, jam sandwiches, skips, strawberries, party rings… And don’t forget the cheddar cheese and pineapple chunk combo. Retro.

5. Appearance. Ditch the hoodies, the trackie bottoms, the greasy hair and the stubble. If a bit of make-up or a clean shave makes you feel good about yourself, puts a spring in your step, then get out the blush and the razor. When you look better, you feel better. And when you feel better, you’ll be more productive. Oh, and make sure you smell nice. Revision is not a rehearsal, it is the show: the West End show before it hits Broadway.

So there you have it: our guide to revision. Apart from the actual revision bit, that is. As I shed a tear or two in the dark, I try to console myself with the obvious but hugely comforting fact that the sooner the exams start, the sooner they’re over. Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo. Here comes the sun. And I say, it’s all right.