Two Penn’orth: Liar Lawyer

Did anyone else notice during the holidays that all television was a pathetic facsimile of the real thing? For anyone watching traditional terrestrial this meant 30 seconds of browsing before the realisation that there was nothing on. Conversely, the rest of the TV-viewing-university-student community had to trawl through three hundred million additional channels before reaching the same conclusion.

Yet by far the worst of all television related inconveniences was, of course, the adverts. In particular, those directed at literally anyone who has been injured in an accident, assuring them that it wasn’t their fault and so they are entitled to some money. Firstly, an accident is a mistake and should therefore not be seen as an opportunity to be exploited. Secondly, the majority of these so-called accidents could easily be avoided with the use of a little common sense. How often do we hear of someone who knows full well how gravity works but who is still happy to lean a ladder made from Brie up against a window of single glazing sugar glass?

The problem is that this developing culture is morally supported by organisations such as the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA), a British charity aiming to prevent the occurrence of events which, by definition, cannot be foreseen.

It is easy to blame the individuals who are taken in by these adverts. However this kind of behaviour is hardly surprising from the kind of person who sees a puddle of water, walks through it and still manages to be bemused when they end up on the floor with a sore head and their brain cell population halved. Offer anyone from that sort of gene pool the prospect of easy money and of course they will develop a limp and use a nail gun to eliminate their remaining neurological cells. The real culprits in this situation are the facilitators of these crimes against common sense. The lawyers.

I hasten to add that it is only some lawyers. Competent lawyers are representatives of the people, entrusted with the task of carrying out valid pleas for justice. Regrettably though, many seem to have forgotten that. It is all so ludicrous.

There is, however, a universally beneficial solution. Ridiculous charities such as RoSPA should, voluntarily or not, contribute any donations they receive to an organisation I’ve just founded. An organisation that may just achieve the kind of safe environment which RoSPA has failed to bring to fruition after almost 100 years of trying. Its mission statement: to rid the world of lawyers and daytime television.