Property ladder: uphill struggles

Frantic first-years have officially begun the race last week to find accommodation for next year. It is a tough business with fierce competition and you have to move fast. This seems an odd way to describe house-hunting, don’t you think? But, as strange a phenomenon as it is, that is the reality facing us novices this term.

There are many rungs in the ladder to climb before you can even think about choosing a house. The first and possibly the most surreal step: choosing your housemates. It is a bizarre moment in the first term when you realise how quickly you are going to have to decide who to share a house with.

Alarm bells start ringing. All those annoying habits you have put up with so far seem suddenly unbearable as you consider the prospect of living with someone for another year who never washes up, never showers, and always complains. I hadn’t realised how tactical this could become.

So eventually, having carefully navigated your way through the minefield of awkward conversations (the kind when someone says they want to live with you but you’re thinking you’d rather stick pins in your eyes), you can begin to think about where to live. Simple.

Well actually no, not simple at all. Unfortunately you will also have to learn a new language to successfully find a student property – the language of estate agents. This is an art that involves reinterpreting what you hear as the opposite.

For example if an estate agent says the bedrooms have a generous amount of space, they actually mean you can fit a small bed and a desk in as long as you don’t like moving. Estate agents are never generous. Equally if you are told there is a slight damp problem it usually means you’ll end up scraping mould off your walls.

Have you been put off yet? It is true that you will have to compromise somewhat on your standards. But (thank goodness for a but) fortunately we students, even us freshers, have adapted.

After one term the devolution is complete. We now find it acceptable to leave rotting food in the fridge, to drink gone-off milk and even to stop showering. So I say, bring on the student houses; it’s nothing we can’t handle… Besides, what better location than that for a party?