Do my muscles look big in this?

If you’re expecting another article harping on about anorexia and bulimia in women, not a topic to be taken lightly, you should look elsewhere. I could continue to talk about girls who feel near tears upon being presented with a plate equivalent to just 600 agonising calories, but my intentions are different. Instead, lets have a little look at the less discussed and little recognised issues that men face on a similar theme.

Cue cheesy American background music, a hench and Scott-Mills-orange gentleman with a whiter than snow smile: “do you consider yourself to be: 1. Not-bad-looking, 2. A little rough around the edges and 3. A little fat in places where you’d rather you weren‘t? Or perhaps you feel scrawny, weedy and were always on the geek table at high school… Fear no more, we have a cheap and easy solution. Just inject yourself a couple of times a week with some casual anabolic steroids, and your problems are over. Watch the girls come running (the Lynx effect doesn‘t come close to this)! Side effects include extreme good looks, admirable pec(toral)s, a wild social life, Hulk strength and sporting success.*” *Don’t believe a word.

Steroids can be injected or taken orally and are often considered as a simple solution to all physical qualms. They are available on prescription, but besides that are a Class C drug: legal to possess and import for personal use, but illegal to import with the intent to supply- that could fetch you up to 14 years in prison as well as a hefty fine. Its true indeed that they lead to a bulking up on the muscle front, but other side effects are somewhat less mentioned, for obvious reasons. How do you feel about a loss of Mojo combined with a pair of much-dreaded ‘Moobs’ (man boobs)? And a loss of sexual appetite, but increased acne and mood swings? It gets worse… an escalation in blood pressure leads to higher chances of suffering from a stroke. More unpleasantly still, how do you fancy liver failure, repeated heart attacks, or both? If you want children at any point, its advisable to eliminate steroids from your mind right away.

These drugs are not the only way to physical quick-fixes. It may cost more, take slightly longer, require stronger will power and dedication, but gym obsessions are another annoying reality terrorising relationships across the western world. Some men spend every spare waking hour at the gym; before and after work, as well as multiple classes per week- weight training, spinning, body pump and even standard aerobics. Of course, this doesn’t become obvious until you are well into aforementioned relationships, when it is too late to leave them light heartedly. After a little research, it was apparent that many men are not prepared to put their girlfriends before this extreme, obsessive fitness that drains their time, energy and bank balance. On top of this, many of these freakily fit men live by diets so strict that they only allow themselves one ’cheat’ per week, (a meal out or a takeaway). You can only begin to imagine the strain of such an illness on a relationship.

Eating disorders hit male vanity a long time ago, but are much less discussed for reasons including male prowess and fear of embarrassment, since these problems are considered as feminine issues. Thanks to the media, thinness is often associated with female beauty, but it is a somewhat different story for men. 10% of anorexia nervosa sufferers are in fact male, yet very few of them are primarily diagnosed as such, despite having identical symptoms as women sufferers.

Steroids and eating disorders, obsessive exercise and other crazy ways to ’perfection’ are all problematic for long term health, but consider this for a moment: your education/career is undoubtedly sacrificed, women don’t find the image that you guys are seeking attractive, and you’re missing out on the amazing taste of a kebab with garlic sauce post-night out. So, is it really worth it?