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Alternative sex on campus

Written by: on February 2, 2010

The beds provided by Warwick Accommodation on campus have to be the worst things to have sex on ever. The poor quality of mattress, sagging factor, lumpiness, springs poking through the sheet, the crater-like trough that is the dippy bit in the middle (throughout my year in Rootes I had two pillows stuffed under the mattress to try and compensate for this), and of course their inadequate length, which my boyfriend was always complaining about. Aside from the bed itself there is the lack of mood lighting and the tracing-paper thin walls, I think more privacy is possible in a tent, and any one who has a ground floor window – good luck! The one advantage of sex in halls is that one can lock your door, though while this may deter intrusive flat mates it poses no barrier for the cleaners – sorry, ‘domestic assistants’ – who seem to entertain the ridiculous notion that all students will be up and out of bed by 9.30 am…please! So, why not, I challenge you, branch out a bit? Campus provides us with many more adventurous locales than a crappy single mattress in M-Block.

An obvious alternative option is of course the library, book out a sneaky study room, – though if your partner is not from Warwick, be sure to get them a visitor’s pass beforehand.
Get involved with the ‘Study Carrels’ on Floor Four, the ones which have doors being particularly desirable. I wouldn’t advise opting for anywhere among the shelves that open and close by themselves, could lead to unforeseen complications. And ladies, do remember you’re in the library, be considerate, keep it quiet. No need to worry about noise levels on Floor Two though! The Learning Grid, another good place in which to distract yourself from doing work is a great option. The ‘sleeping pods’ have got to be designed for on-Campus assignations, with the allotted twenty minutes (perfect!) of relaxing music and reclining chair!

Those of you who know me will know I am not the sporty type, running down Brunswick street to catch the bus is my idea of exercise, but I would definitely venture in to the Sports Centre for a romantic rendezvous in, say, the sauna, or possibly the pool viewing balcony

But students, as you explore these exciting new territories, please remember your own personal, sexual health and Nightline is only round the corner. Safety first, sexy always.

###A few more locations

- Social sciences – no one will ever be able to findthe room anyway
- Lifts in humanities – they take long enough
- Deserted bit of lake somewhere woody between Tesco and Tocil
- Car park – make the most of the exorbitant car park fee – on the roof, panoramic!
- The Duck doesn’t really offer much opportunity – the balcony would be a scenic shag but it is
one only for the true exhibitionist

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