Image: Unsplash
Image: Unsplash

The Great Literary Bake Off

Welcome back to the Great Literary Bake Off recap! Last week’s episode began with a savoury pie challenge. Titus Andronicus and Mrs Lovett both made Judge Dumbledore’s eyes twinkle with meat pies’ interesting mystery flavours, while the star bread-maker Peeta Mellark struggled to maintain his winning streak. “It is our choices, Peeta, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities,” Dumbledore said about Peeta’s ‘District 12’ pie. “It’s a shame, then, that you chose such watery ingredients.” Peeta seems to be struggling with the competitiveness of the Bake Off. “I’m more than just a piece in their Games – um, Bake Off, I mean.”

The second challenge was deceptively simple: Judge Willy Wonka’s lavender crust chocolate pie. The Witch, a German competitor, was confused about the UK measurements and, being used to appealing to children like Hansel and Gretel, added far too much sugar, landing herself in the bottom. This was followed by Minny Jackson, whose flavours the judges found to be a bit too much like excrement. Coming in first, naturally, was Vianne Rocher, whose fantastical skill with chocolate has made her an early favourite in the competition.

Neville Longbottom, whose use of unusual plants has so far balanced out his uneven baking technique, found himself at a loss with the decorating this week

In the interlude between day one and day two, hosts Mad Hatter and March Hare sat down to tea with Wonka and Dumbledore. “It’s a shame another one will have to go this week,” Dumbledore sighed. “No room! No room!” exclaimed the Mad Hatter and March Hare, before launching into a series of riddles about the upcoming showstopper challenge.

The last task of the episode was a layered celebration cake. Neville Longbottom, whose use of unusual plants has so far balanced out his uneven baking technique, found himself at a loss with the decorating this week. Trying to make gillyweed frosting was never going to go well. “Why is it always me?” he cried to the camera. Victor Frankenstein also struggled, with his Halloween-themed cake which ended up looking a bit patched together.

Peeta’s camouflage cake ended up winning him the top prize of star baker for the second week in a row

Peeta’s camouflage cake ended up winning him the top prize of star baker for the second week in a row, though Wonka had this for advice: “Whipped cream isn’t whipped cream at all if it hasn’t been whipped with whips, just like poached eggs isn’t poached eggs unless it’s been stolen in the dead of the night.”

But, in the end, it was Mrs Havisham who had to go. Her wedding cake was so heavily overhung with cobwebs that its form was quite indistinguishable. It was yellow in colour seemed to grow, like a black fungus, with speckle-legged spiders with blotchy bodies running atop it. She departed tearfully, noting that this was her second-biggest disappointment after being left at the altar.

Join us next Literary Bake Off for spice week. Will the Witch’s gingerbread house seduce the childlike Wonka or will she end up burned? Will Vianne’s chilli chocolate snaps casts a spell or will Mrs Lovett be hotter with her Potter Pie (made with actual Potter)? See you next week! Buh-bye!

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