Procrastination is an epidemic responsible for severe decline in student productivity in the library – second only to lack of snacks. Everyone has a favourite form of procrastination, whether it be editing essay fonts to gain marks through presentation (Calibri’s cool but the formal framework of Times New Roman is a classic choice) or arranging pens in order of ink strength.
However, we are all united in our ability to be distracted by the antics of others. I’m not talking about the good-looking girl/guy who only has to walk to the water fountain to send you into a lustful lethargy which prevents you from writing anything except your names entwined in a swirl of hearts. I mean the people whose behavior irritates you to the point that your strong work ethic is challenged, and you feel compelled to start a petition to have them removed. Here are the five most annoying people to avoid in the library:
The Dare-devil Diner
This person takes the phrase “it’s crunch time” during exams far too literally. Upon arrival their first priority is to line up their bag of mouth-wateringly unhealthy snacks along their desk like edible trophies, before devouring them one by one. This is not only distracting, it also reminds you that your “brain food” lunch of rye bread and pine nuts is wholly inadequate and will not provide you with a sugar rush needed to power through 5000 words.
The Facebook Stalker
Erm, hello? I can see you going through my best friend’s pictures from a family holiday to the Isle of Man in 2007. It’s pretty weird to watch you, and unless you’re going to write them a message or add them as a friend, I think you should stop stalking in a very public space…
The Happy Camper
Can be spotted brushing their teeth in the toilets after an all-nighter during exams, always in the same spot and possibly in the same clothes. Takes pleasure in releasing loud yawns and leaving their all-night bag on their desk, next to their deodorant and thermos flask just in case anyone was in any doubt that they hadn’t been here for 35 hours straight. Just. Go. Home.
The Oblivious Worker
This library-lover puts everyone around them to shame because of their ridiculous work ethic which comes before all else. Ask to borrow a pen? Blanked. Someone spills a drink next to their desk? Ignored. Earthquake destroys the structural integrity of the building? They will still be at their desk, immersed in their work. Don’t even try and talk to them.
The Failed Whisperer
Often spotted doing that awkward quick-walk out of the silent zone whilst on the phone telling someone they can’t talk because they are “in the library.” This person is also unaware that the maximum whispering time for any student is three minutes 25 seconds, after which time everyone around them is contracted by the law of the library to mutter hushed insults under their breath, and throw them lingering death stares.