There is an age-old debate about how well long distance relationships work at university photo: deviantart/artemiscrow

Can long distance relationships at uni work?

There are many pressing issues faced by freshers: the crippling fear that we won’t make any friends; trying to figure out what the hell ‘circling’ actually is, whether we should bake a batch of cookies to butter up our new hall mates… the list is seemingly endless. And that’s excluding all the proper stuff to do with actually getting the degree we came here to get.

But, on top of all this, one of the main worries facing many going away to university is the dilemma of the long-distance relationship. Online forums are awash with worried freshers trying to decide whether to begin university single or not: torn between the promise of a wild Freshers’ week and bittersweet loyalty to the person they’ve spent the majority of their pre-university time with. Whilst it’s a very complex issue, one should be aware that whilst meeting new people with similar interests to you at uni, several attraction mechanisms may be at work, potentially influencing your loyalty towards your partner.

Firstly, according to psychologists, the ‘propinquity effect’ states that we often become attracted to those who live in close proximity to us, due to the repeated chances we have to interact with them. For example, normally, if we see someone we find attractive, perhaps when passing someone in the street, we will forget about them by the end of the day. We never see that person again, so the attractive stimuli does not become reinforced, or strengthened: they are easily forgotten and pose no threat to any existing relationship.However, at university, the repeated incidences of interaction mean that proximity is frequent and the repeated incidences of exposure act to buffer the stimulus, making it stay closer to the forefront of our minds, increasing the likelihood of attraction.

Secondly, the ‘Law of Attraction’ states that one of the most important aspects to attraction is similarity in attitudes. In a university environment, it is very likely that we will share similar attitudes to those we live with: we will have picked the same university, ended up in the same halls, and may have had fairly similar backgrounds.

As well as these factors, hormones can influence social bonding. Adrenaline is a powerful force to be reckoned with, with the ability to make a memory more salient, increase the strength of emotion we associate with it and also increase the feelings of familiarity we have for someone. Therefore, when people feel excited or anxious, as many freshers do when arriving at university, the adrenaline released in their blood stream may result in them experiencing stronger emotions for people that they interact with. This arousal can often be mistaken for physical attraction for that person, which may not normally occur in other circumstances.

It is possible that these three psychological mechanisms may threaten relationships back home.
However, every relationship is different, as is every university experience, and it really depends on how committed you and your partner are to each other that will determine whether your relationship will last.

Louise, a nursing student from Manchester University has been with her boyfriend for two years at university, and said: “Nearly 100 percent of the time it has felt effortless to keep our relationship working; it’s refreshing to learn things about a different city and have somewhere new to visit with a different student scene; and it is especially nice to have someone to talk to that isn’t always in my own ‘university bubble’”.

Tom is a third year at Warwick who impressively managed to maintain a 200 mile long distance relationship for over a year. He believes it has it had its positives and negatives: “We used to talk every night, which sometimes meant that I missed out on pre drinking before going out, and also missed out on joining societies because I just didn’t have enough time. Because I was always going to see her, I also spent very little time at university, but, in some ways, it was good because it meant that when I visited her at uni, I got to hang out with new people and experience a different uni’s nightlife. I don’t regret doing it, and would do it again.”

Essentially, although long distance relationships may be tough sometimes, if your relationship is strong enough then the physiological and emotional feelings that you have for your partner will defy the slight attraction that you may feel for your new peers. After all, as Lionel Richie rightly said, love will conquer all!

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