Hello stress!

At some point or another in our lives we all have or will experience some kind of stress. While most of it is short-lived and goes away either by itself or with the help and support of our immediate environment such as family, circle of friends or through recreational activities, sometimes the stress we experience becomes prolonged or chronic, reinforcing our distressed state. The experience of stress is almost a fact, but what about its source? Where does it come from? What causes us to stress?

People generally carry with them a set of beliefs about life and how things work. These beliefs were obtained from our past experiences, the way we were brought up, values and culture, circle of friends and even the social media. These beliefs could be at the heart of stress generation.

When faced with stress, people have two types of thoughts about it: a primary appraisal (just how great of a problem the stress is for you) and a secondary appraisal (your perceived ability to cope with it). These are the cognitive components of stress. They in turn trigger the other stress components like physical and emotional symptoms. Individuals will attempt to cope with the stress by responding to it. Sometimes this coping behaviour is helpful and the stress subsides. But other times, the behaviour is unhelpful and the stress is reinforced, making your appraisal of the situation and stress more and more negative. This will create a vicious cycle that will maintain the stress.

What are the most common held beliefs that could underlie stress?

• Perfectionism: believing that you have to do things perfectly at all times and costs. Unfortunately, the world we live in does not allow for such perfectionism to be attained and most often than not we become disappointed with our failure to do things just the way we wanted. This disappointment causes states of helplessness and hopelessness which are potential sources of stress. In the long term, these states could be held responsible for deeper mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

• Doing it all: holding the belief that it is completely achievable for you to do everything you planned out to do. With only 24 hours in a day and us living in such a fast-paced world with demands constantly being put on us, it comes as no surprise that most often than not, we fail to accomplish everything we have set to in any given day. Again, this causes frustration and disappointment which could be potentially damaging to your mental well-being.

• Proving yourself: with the unemployment rate constantly increasing, the competition for available jobs is fierce. We are constantly put under pressure, always having to stay on top of things, responding appropriately to all the demands put on us. Even at home, the situation does not look brighter. Both men and women generally have to prove themselves by fitting in with traditional gender roles, be it being a good gardener, or a good cook. With the need to prove your worth even in front of those who should unconditionally support you, stress kicks in when you are unable to fulfil others’ expectations of you.

• No relaxation: fear of procrastination, of not finishing your tasks on time, often leaves one feeling like they do not deserve a break. Simply not taking a break to enjoy yourself due to the belief that a break is undeserved could be a potential source of stress. Our bodies and minds cannot cope with us actively working at all times, so our system enters stress mode. It is all going downhill from there.

• People pleaser: it is embedded in our thinking that we need to work to earn other people’s acceptance and love. For that reason, we sometimes try and please everybody at the cost of our own happiness. We forget that we can say no, and we certainly forget that it is simply unattainable to please everybody. Feeling unloved and also over-worked from concentrating all our energy on other people’s needs can be a damaging source of stress.

• Doing it on your own: similar to a Christmas dinner situation, where one person is in charge of it all, we have a foolish desire to be in control of the things going on around us at all times. Sometimes we fail to accept that it is acceptable to request others for help and our desperate attempt at doing everything often leaves us frustrated and disappointed. This of course gives us a sense of hopelessness, feeling that we are incapable of doing anything. Stress kicks in.

What have we learnt about stress?
Whilst anything in our surroundings could be a damaging source of stress, nothing causes more harm than the set of beliefs we hold about life and how things work. We are rigid in our thinking and believe that things have to work according to a determined set of instructions. Failure to accept that it is not always possible to achieve everything you have set out to causes stress. Our bodies know that but our minds stubbornly fail to register it sometimes. You are in control of your own thoughts and it is through your will power that you can change the way you view things.